mission to mars and beyond; it's been a while.

the last six months of my life have been tumultuous to say the least. there have been deaths, career changes, heartbreaks, realizations, health issues, and so much more. and only about 15% of these events would i consider positive experiences overall unfortunately.

but i want to be proactive in changing things for the better this year, as this roller-coaster is just not sustainable for me emotionally.

i've been reading 7 habits of highly effective people and nearly every part has had me in tears for one reason or another. generally because of my incredible ability to over analyze the past and having each way that i could have changed a specific situation for the better, but failed, laid out for me is difficult to read. confronting your faults always is i suppose. 

but this year is about moving forward in a positive direction, the past is the past. and so, as per the "begin with the end in mind" chapter suggests, i've tried to create the most honest mission statement i could in the hopes that i can use it to help me actualize changes in myself for the better.

i am at my best when i feel appreciated and understood. i will try to prevent times when i feel my efforts aren't recognized. i will enjoy my work by finding employment where I can diagnose problems and specific technical defects. i will find enjoyment in my personal life through spending time trying something new with my romantic partner. i will find opportunities to use my natural talents and gifts such as my artistic mindset and creative ideas. i can do anything i set my mind to. i will make indie video games.

my life's journey is about creating beautiful experiences for myself and others. i want to be able to share the things i think are special with other and have them appreciate these things in turn. at the end of my journey, i'll have a family with someone i love that wants to create experiences (whether it's through games or writing or music) that we can all share. 

i will be a person who is artistic and loving and makes an impact beyond my generation. my most important future contribution to others will be creating art that inspires wonder and encourages the important people in my life to pursue what makes them feel happy, special, and appreciated. 

i will stop procrastinating and start working on:

• making and keeping plans with friends routinely.
• not being afraid to ask for help, no longer wasting time spinning my wheels on something.
• getting so easily frustrated when things don't go exactly how i want them to, keeping a positive attitude in those situations.

i will strive to incorporate the following attributes into my life:

• being professionally and personally hard-working/ambitious.
• the ability to maintain close friendships
• being communicative/conversational, great at getting people to open up and have meaningful/memorable discussions.

i will constantly renew myself by focusing on the four dimensions of my life:

• exercise three times a week (an hour at least).
• put trust in some kind of higher power (fate, destiny, maybe god idk, etc.) that things will turn out the way i hope.
• stop obsessing about the past, learn to let go of things i can't change.
• make an effort to contact friends more often, even just to check-in.

having these written down somewhere really does feel like it's made an impression in my heart. that thing is still totally broken by the way, not sure if/when that will stop being the case, but i think writing things out will help.

all this being said, this blog was originally intended to be an animation blog, but i feel like i want to use it more as a dumping ground for any thoughts i have now. i doubt anyone will be looking at this page, like at all, but i'll add labels in case anyone stumbles into this mess and wants to only see one particular fire, ha ha.

ttfn.